Rt Hon David Miliband MP

Secretary of State,

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),

Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London SW1P 3JR



16 May 2007



Dear Secretary of State,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for
£3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like
to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and
which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this
endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU
under the Common Agricultural Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want
not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in
not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are
there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate
record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local
Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for
forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968.
That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing
100?

I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about
4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I
become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps
increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect
about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would
be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing
harmful and polluting methane gases?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes
of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will
I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't
rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any
information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current
Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis
with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and
will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.

I shall of course be voting for your Party at the next general election.

this has been going on for years Kes,Farmers in this part of the country are paid not to grow anything in so many fields. Set aside they call it.

I have absolutely no idea. So many things just does not make sence to us anymore!!

Mac, We just Laugh at this ?? Early this year, we received a letter from our coucil to say a Rep: would like to visit and see in WE --Qualify for Assistance?? Eve said OK!!
 Yes, He Did!! Went into all our personal affairs and finally stated!! We should be paying £30 less per month to council tax?? Hum!! We did enqire =Yes. The questions we was asked and every small detail?? -- Eve got so angry. She took the forms Back and told the member of staff -- To Stuff It!! That is how I felt Too!! --  Deduction?? We Are The Wrong Colour   

Have heard of 'Set Aside' in relation to farmers, and am all for the encouragement, to preserve wildlife -- but how can this be accomplished ??  How will a 'grant' help??
Being aware that our 'wildlife' is in extreme danger, I am concerned, because of the amount of Homes and Roads, still being Built!!

I have a new name for the UK
Treasure Island !
this came from Rumania who are reportedly laughing their heads off at us as hoardes of their criminals move to
treasure island oops sorry UK.

Here here with captain Hook behind them !

Phoenix its because
"I`m alright Jack !"
begger the rest.