Not Dead Yet - Forum

My name is Jo Abel and I am a documentary director. I am working on a series for BBC 4 exploring the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren – what it means, how it is different to the relationship with your own children and how it impacts on the family as a whole. I know from personal experience that the arrival of grandchildren creates a massive shift in family dynamics both exhilarating and challenging. I am keen to learn from grandparents about this relationship and how it impacts on life. We have been given this unique opportunity to make this series, and to give it the thought and understanding it needs I need to talk to grandparents, parents and grandchildren about their experiences and relationships with one another.  I am keen to talk to as many people as possible. I can be contacted at dkahlon@blastfilms.co.uk, jabel@blastfilms.co.uk, or my mobile is 07979247890
 
Many thanks

Hi Jo, Here are few points you might find of use re- Topic: Grandparents and their grandchildren - views on family life needed.

We have one grandchild aged 8yrs. My daughter works full time and was divorced 2yrs ago, so child minding from that time until recently became a major issue for us. :-\ Fortunately she now has a brilliant partner so the 'strain' has been taken off my wife and myself. I'm 63yrs and a retired police officer. My wife, aged 61yrs,  is registered disabled but  mobile. We are of an age now where the thought of yet again changing nappies and pacifying a very young demanding child are not a pleasant thought!  :-X We need time out to chill after a life time of work and raising two kids of our own. :) :)

I know this must sound heartless but I've said to my daughter, through typical police black humour, that if she wants another child, this time by her partner, it will be too much for us to assist with. The black humour was taken from an old 'hawry' police inspector friend of mine who subscribed to the fact that if people can't afford kids, ie childminding fees  etc. they shouldn't have them. His term was 'If you can't feed em. Don't breed em.'

I wonder just how many off - spring of societies older parents are simply assuming that Mum and Dad will look after their kids if they choose to have without having any thought as to what they are asking of their own parents.  We love our grandchild to bits BUT!
 
Enough is enough! Kind regards Geoff Ringham

Hi Geoff, I wonder just why, some young parents of children, naturally expect the grandparents to accept, partcial responcibility for the 'upbringing' of their grandchild ??
To be baby sitters, when the parents want to go out and to 'assist' (with money) in their life ??  Why do 'they' have children, and expect -- support from social/government ??
not very reassuring Adults ?? -- Thankfully, as we are closing our 80s (late 70s) Our great grand children, are now older. Not that i would believe in assiting !!  We have had our time with accepting 'our responcibilities' If othere's did the same, there would be  a lot less babies/children about receiving benifits from Social?? As your police inspector said ""IF YOU CAN'T FEED THEM, DON'T BREED THEM"

Well said Phoenix. :)

I began to wonder if I stood alone on this issue.

How is your health these days my friend?

geoff

Hi Geoff, My health!! Now that is a problem??
This year really has been Bad. But, have recently been given The Clear, of cancer in the prostate. Hurray!! All Internals Ok!! But, I have Neuropothy in my feet, which means, no Nerves working and my balance is way out, that I use a Wheeled walker to go out with. A few more details too, but most of all -- I am in No Pain!!  So I consider myself, very lucky indeed. Pain free is everything, all else can be tolerated. I should be going into Hospital, for immuglobulin drips, butI don't think I will. I am not registered disabled, although i now have my Blue badge for parking: I trust that You and your Wife are keeping reasonable, as I note your Wife is disabled, though mobile.-- I guess as we age, problems arise that takes us unaware and are forced to accept our inadequacy, which can give one a guilt complex??  Thank You for asking and I hope that I have not bored you:

Hi Phoenix,

Thanks for replying.

Perhaps you should reconsider having those immuglobulin drips. I know we all hate going into hospital, seeing doctors and taking medicines and pills etc. but remember - pride comes before a fall. Glad to hear you have a Blue Badge. Do you claim Disability Living Allowance? If so, and you have the higher level of disability re-mobility, you can claim a free Road Fund Licence for your car if you still drive.

You did'nt bore me my friend. You can chat to me anytime my friend. :) :) ;D

geoff

Hello Geoff, No, I don't claim Disability Living Allowance, although I am very unsteady on my feet. i don't know if I am able to claim ??  Or how to go about it?? I do however believe that my legs, can only get worse and expect to someday be in a Motor scooter???  We do still have a car as the only way of getting out and thankfully, I can still drive, being an Automatic car. Perhaps it is my pride, that SAY'S NO to the immuglobulin?? -- 5 days for 5 hours each day, then one month off then back for another 5 days same, then another month off and back again for the third time. I really am feeling frightened as I don't know that it can help?? I am waiting for an appoinment to go into Addenbrookes of cambridge, but I don't want to go. At 78 yeaars young?? I would rather that othere's had their health improved. -- I can tolerrate my problems, as I have no pain.  I am very lucky!! Perhaps I should find out about Disability Allowance ?? We do not receive any assistance;

So pleased to hear you got the all clear Phoenix,I cannot advise on invalidity either but do you have a community center ? they would tell you how to go about it I am sure or the Library even or even Google try putting disability living allowance in and see what comes up dont forget to put your area in too.
Disabilty living allowance and then district.

Hi Mac,Thank You for that advice. Tonight i will try with Google and see what comes up. Neither of us want to lose our being independant, but in looking to the future, my mobility will get worse and cause strain on us. Thank You!!

Hi Phoenix, :)

I've been doing some research and found out that if you are over 65yrs you can claim Carers Allowance and not Disability Allowance as I mentioned. Disability Allowance is for people under 65yrs.

However here is a web site which gives you all the information you need. You can also download the forms from this site which is very helpful.
 
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/FinancialSupport/DG_10012425

Here is a tip.

When filling in the forms ALWAYS describe in detail the problems you have. Even if some days are better that others ALWAYS describe your symptoms as they are on the worst of days. Don't describe the days when you are feeling less disabled. This is not being dishonest.This is why:-

These claims forms are accessed by Civil Servants who are NOT MEDICALLY TRAINED! As such they only go on what you tell them. They have no idea in detail of the illness's people are claiming for. So if you use the British 'stiff upper lip' you will be marked down for it. So remember: You have BAD DAYS and NOT SO BAD DAYS - Never good days. If you say good days the accesser will mark you down which may affect the strength of you claim.

It's all about knowing how to fill in the forms.

If you need further help just call me up.


geoff 

Hi Geoff, Thank you for that info: I don't really want to be classed as disabled or really want the money. But am fully aware the my problems will get worse. I manage most things that I need to do (independant) as my partner suffers bad health too. I have changed my shoes to slipon's, as i cannot Tie up laces (left hand 50%) due to trapped nerve in my neck. Sometimes, I cannot button up my shirts, so have to ask and laugh it off. The frightening point is possibly falling in the home, there have been some close calls -- i.e.  going backwards, in the bathroom, my control fails me. I do feel a perfect fool at times. I know that I feel totally confused with my Urology clinic and my Neuropathy clinic and am hoping that next year, may well be somewhat easier.You are sure right, in as much there are no good days, Ihave been forced to accept that. Good News!! I bought myself a new three wheeled walker, at the weekend, has brakes, bag, basket and shelf and soo much safer. Good news is so rare today. Thanks again for your help!!

Hi Phoenix :)

My wife was the same as you. She did'nt want to be clasified as disabled but she eventually did put her pride to one side and relented. However my friend - the fact that you have been awarded a Blue Badge already classifies you as disabled!  So you whether you need the money or not, why not claim what is your right to claim? You and your good lady wife have paid into the system for many years. If you don't feel you need the money, you can later leave it to your family. My goodness, the immigrants in this country who have paid nothing into the system are very quick to claim benefits which we have all paid into! They are coached into how to do it!! :o

You seem a lovely man my friend and have the British 'Stiff Upper Lip' approach to your condition. Whilst being admirable, this  leaves you disadvantaged  whilst others in society, who have less morals, take yours, mine, and all the other good peoples money from the system.

Sorry Phoenix if I sound as if I'm on my 'Band Waggon' but having served 30yrs in the Metropolitan Police, I've seen too much abuse of our benefits system at the expence of good folk like you and your lovely wife.

Just give my views some thought.

Enjoy Christmas as best you can and I sincerely wish you and your good lady wife a much, much better new year ahead. :) :)

Your friend,

Geoff

PS. Always here to help anytime ;)

Hi again Phoenix,

Having just read you post again, after submitting mine, I see you made reference to your partner and not your wife. I apologise if I have caused offence by my mistake in my previous post.

Your friend

geoff

Hi Geoff
I think part of the problem is we arent told about any of these benefits except by word of mouth,and if we dont know anyone who gets them thats it !
Some of us pensioners see the minimum pension £90 and think well I get more than that and thats it we dont bother to look into it.
Age concern are very good at telling you about what you are entitled to but its up to you to claim any of it.
Happy Christmas Geoff.

Hello Geoff, No need to apologise.  I used to be the "Live in Lover" now after almost 20 years, there is a Technical Hitch ?? I am now  the "Live in Lodger" and well house trained?? -- P.P.S. =  'Pride, Principles, Standards' as a self disiplinarian, is not always good for one and there comes a time,  when one feels as though -- banging the head against the wall, may well do some good. ---- I have gone into a few websites regarding, Invalidity and Mobility Allowances and cannot see that I would come under either. Don't think I am bad enough for any help.-----
 Dam!! Christmas was not good. Eve has been bad for 3 day's now. Had to stay in yesterday (normally at her sons) daughter in law brought Food down to us twice. Today, daughter in law had to take Eve down to the walk in centre. -- Bad type of Flu ?? now on antibiotics and steroids. What a B couple of days!! meals again was brought down to us (meals on wheels)??? daughter in law!!  Bless her!! -- we are both Knackered, but what the hell. There are thousands, far worse off and in another couple of days, Eve may well be on the mend. -- Must be really lovelly for those 'imports' that receive ALL the Help there is. Wonder why there are No English People to give similar help, to the English people ?????  -- Me just getting somewhat angry again. I don't know whether to pursue and disability help etc: possibly I am the wrong colour anyway, IfI am classed as bad enough ???????     

Hello Phoenix
it sounds like you are worn out sorry to here about Eve,its not your nationality, its that we arent told anything,but if you are new to this country you are told all about it.
I think a lot of pensioners need help with all this red tape stuff.
You go and have a drop of the amber necter,you will feel better then if not you will fall asleep ! ;)
Eve is on the mend and tomorrow is another day !

Hi Mac,  Thanks for that advice. My head is feeling rather 'wobbly' and maybe a wee drop of the amber liquid, could work a miracle. I't's only being on here that is keeping me awake.  Tomorrow is another day. I rather like that :) :)

I got the cherry out when the going got tough with the dogs and the son and his wife,I got quite chilled lol

Havent seen Phoenix today, hope he okay!!!! :)

Phoenix, sorry to hear that Eve is ill. I hope that she is keeping better in the meantime. As to your question if there aren't English to help English. In Germany we have a so-called "neighbourhood aid", i.e. you either call the town hall or the church and they send you someone. These neighbourhood aids aren't very expensive, above all if you only need them for some hours per day. For longer illnesses or people who need care we have so-called "mobile services", they come twice a day - i.e. in the morning and in the evening and additionnally you can order meals on wheels.
Naturally it's frustrating if you get ill on Christmas - but unfortunately you can't order "illnesses" at those dates when they would be agreeable to you.
I wish you and Eve a pleasant weekend.

Hi Teri,we have all of those too,but unfortuntely if you dont qualify its very expensive, far beyond pensioners.
But it is free for some pensioners.
My neighbours pay for these services and thus get a tax rebate,but its a struggle and the  money is running out,so they will then get it free.These two people worked long and hard for what they have and now are penalised,this is a bad thing in this country.Its ok for some but if you worked its not ok .......you pay till you die.

Hi Mac, You are right, if one can pay, one can receive anything.

 Hi Teri, With this new flu virus around, it has affected many people. With Eve, because her 'Immune system' is low, it really has a very hard grip on her.Take medication and rest -- during the day, as the nights are not good.
Guess the doctors will be busy tomorrow, but we must get to see one, as so many will do.

Hope that You have All had a Good christmas, and looking forward to the brand new Year and wishing only good thoughts!!

ALL THE BEST TO YOU AND EVE PHEONIX, HANG ON IN THERE LAD, SOMEDAY WE MIGHT GET OUR HEALTH SERVICE BACK

Hello William, This Flu Virus, has spread rapidly and the doctors are under pressure. Had a doctor our for Eve on Monday and she must finish the antibiotics and steroids course. It is very hard for her to breath although she has a new type inhaler. It will be good when this virus is cleared for everyone and back to normal. Thankfully, I don't have it (blessing) and am alright.
 Hoping that All our Forum Members are free of it: 

How is Eve today Phoenix ?

Hi Mac, Well, as Eve said to me this morning. "It is now 11 days and she feels like a washed out rag" -- Still getting some bad nights, so we get up and have a cuppa and ciggy in the lounge, then back to bed --- Next thing we know it's around 9.30am. ---- Disgusting ??? Er! pass!

Question!!  How did this virus get here from Australia ??
Stand up, the guilty party ??? --- Eve told me that 22,000 died from the last Flu virus ?? Is that correct ??

They are getting their own back Pheonix, because of what we sent them all those many years ago.

Good answer William  ;D

The world is too small!!

Great answer William !!lmao.

There are so many variants of the flu these days the scientists cant keep on top of the situation.

Yes last year there were some 22.000 deaths because of the flu, 22.000 more than should have been, when the poo hits the fan the Government will say its natures way of keeping the population down. In reality it is lack of monies to keep the elderly warm, not enough money in there hands to buy the gas they need or the electricity to eat hot meals.

I have just watched `Dom`s on the case on BBC1`
he is telling us where to get the best medication and operations,how sad is that !
it should all be readily available to all............but it isnt,if the drugs cost too much you die
but you can go abroad for an op if you can get through the red tape.
One particular mans plight was his medication for cancer £3000 a month.............now dont you think thats taking the micky I do,  how can they justify  charging that !
In other countries they dont have this problem but his insurance will only pay for his medication for 1 year,the treatment was working but they stopped it because of the cost...........so they charge far too much these pharmasutical companies.....get rid they are taking the mick
i bet they will reduce it then,theres nowt to lose is there.

Hi Mac, The only answer that I heard on TV. was to have a Scottish Address and no need to live there all the time ??
Taking the 'micky' No!!  Condemming them to Death, is much closer to The Truth. Wonder how those 'Nice' people would feel if there was a member in their family that had cancer and could not receive the medication ?????

Same old clich`e isnt it Phenix

My question is why it can be obtained (Drugs) in Scotland and not in England?????

They have their own parliament Chris
The Welch dont pay for scripts either.

Yes Mac so I am told ??? It is a sad state of afairs when we are being treated like second class citizens in our own Country! :o

One answer is quite simple!!  One country can have anything, as long as another country is paying for it!!
If Scotland, Wales and Ireland want to be 'Independent' then they should also be in The position, to support themselves ---- Countrywise!!  Not expect England to 'subsidise' ???????  I still believe that the bringing about of being Independent is by ---- Deliberation!!

So we have to get rid of the Scotsman !

Too many!!  they are only here, to raise support for their own country, Are they not ?????